Security and Significance
Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Have you ever read something in your life that you felt was written specifically for you? Something you felt that felt the author had you in mind while they were writing? Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to read a book called The Marriage Builder by Dr. Larry Crabb. I’ve had many opportunities to read books on marriage but none has spoke to me the way that this one has. I think the reason why is because it speaks much about the how and not just the why and what. The biggest wow came in his discussion about security and significance. In the Garden, mankind’s security and significance came in his relationship with God but because of the Fall what was once there has now become a need in our life. We now live with a desire to fulfill this “need” in our lives. Problem is, we try to find this in everything but God. How does this affect our relationships today? During each of our lives, we are affected by what we see and learn and what we see and learn ultimately shapes our beliefs. If I grow up seeing my father work to climb the corporate ladder for success then I’ll believe that fulfillment comes from working and climbing the corporate ladder. What does this mean for our marriages? This means that when I get married, I now take my beliefs and needs into the marriage. I believe my success comes from climbing the ladder and now I live to fulfill my need for significance through this. I now need my wife to get on board to help me achieve this. The problem is that everything I do is based upon my wife helping me do this and if she doesn’t there’s a problem. So instead of loving my wife unconditionally as Paul says in Ephesians, I now manipulate my wife to get her to go along with my needs. Any attempt otherwise is met with frustration on my part and hers. This actually works both ways as my wife will also have beliefs and needs to need to be met.
Do you see the problem? We are both trying to find security and significance from one another instead of God. When this happens then comes the manipulation. Then comes the attempts to get her to do what I need. Instead, what were called to do as spouses is to minister to one another. Were called to live lives in which we point our spouses to the fulfillment of their needs for security and significance in the only person who can ever fulfill it. We point them to Christ. We allow the Lord to love our spouses through us therefore being used by God as a way to help them become like Christ. What would that look like in your life? In your marriage? Are you ministering to your spouse or are you manipulating to get what you want? When we realize and live with the fact that in Christ we are secure and find a life of significance, we can operate from the fullness in Him instead of the emptiness of trying to find it in everything and everyone else.